Moving Out and Moving Up!

It’s that time. You’re getting ready to make the big move—out of your parents’ house and into your own place. As a person with TS, what do you need to know?

The first thing is that becoming more independent is great, but it isn’t easy. Stacey, 24, says that just getting up the courage to do it was her main hurdle: “I was teased a lot at school. It made me really shy. Home was the one place where I could be sure nobody would say anything about my Tourette’s so I just didn’t want to go, really.”

From feeling safe where you are to fearing what future roommates might say about your tics, there are a million reasons for inertia to set in. In fact, research into why it takes some young people longer to launch has pinpointed very close relationships with parents and feeling insecure as top reasons for living in the parental home longer than usual.1

The keys to success seem to be having one or more strong relationships outside your family, and having a clear plan that takes potential problems into account. So if inertia is keeping you glued to your childhood bedroom, cultivate an independent social life now, while saving money and making a plan:

Step 1: Make a realistic budget.

Step 2: Decide whether you’ll be happier living on your own or with roommates.

Step 3: Find your new space and move in.

Budget Blues

You will almost surely need a deposit, and first and last month’s rent, to move in. In some areas you may need more (for example, nonrefundable “key money” is a common, though illegal, request in New York City).

Your budget must also cover utilities, food, and all those not-so-optional “extras” like your cellphone bill, internet, going out and health insurance. You may find there’s a trade-off between having a nice place and being able to afford a car. Check out the cost of a monthly bus pass and make sure you can get to everywhere essential by bus, bike or walking from the neighborhoods you’re considering before making that choice, however.

You’ll also want to set aside cash for picking up some essentials, like dishes, silverware, and a few bits of furniture. Don’t go nuts though, start with the bare minimum and build up from there. Ask friends and relations what lurks in their garages and attics, hit the Goodwill, and check out resources for absolutely free stuff like your local Freecycle (http://www.freecycle.org/) group.


Roommates or Not?

Making a budget invariably makes you consider sharing costs. For Jakob, 28, roommates have been the best and worst part of moving out. “I found my first place from a card posted at college, these two guys looking for a roommate,” he says. “I soon found out why, they were total stoners who never cleaned the place and had obnoxious friends who hung out all the time. The place I have now is the exact opposite. I live with a guy I know from work and his girlfriend. We all get along, get the housework done. It’s not ‘Friends,’ but it’s friendly.”

If your TS is obvious, you might as well tell prospective roommates right away so you can answer any questions. Better to be rejected before you move in than to find out you’re living with a prejudiced or abusive person. If it’s not so obvious, it’s up to you. Jakob adds: “One of the nice things about my current roommates is that they already knew. It’s just never been an issue.”

Finding a Place

Often the very best deals are through friends (or friends of friends) so let everyone know you’re looking. Also walk or drive around the area you want to live in most, looking for “For Rent” signs or posters up in local shops and coffeehouses.

Not as many landlords use newspapers to advertise vacancies these days, the real action is on Web sites like Craigslist (http://www.craigslist.org). But watch out for scammers—never pay money unless you have seen the apartment, met the landlord, and signed a contract. And never, ever send money via Western Union or another wire service; reputable landlords do not use these.

It’s not legal to refuse to rent to you because you have TS. However, a landlord can evict you if your tics include disruptive or destructive behavior that affects other tenants or damages the property. So if you know that in the past you have had such a tic (frequent loud whooping noises, for example, or a tendency to hit or kick doors) consider ways to ensure it’s never a problem for others.

When you find a place, do a walk-through with your camera or camera-phone and put the pictures somewhere online, like Photobucket (http://photobucket.com), where they won’t get lost or deleted. Make sure they are “time-stamped” to prevent any confusion if there is a dispute.

Most important of all: get your lease in writing.

Stay Organized

Keep to your budget by having a place for paying and filing bills—a box or folder will do. One mom of a young adult with TS we know, has a smart tip for keeping other crucial info handy. “Save in your cellphone the names and phone numbers of doctors seen in the recent past,” she says. “Use the ‘notes’ function to list current medications taken and dosage instructions, as well as any drug allergies.”

Thousands of young adults with TS leave home successfully every year. With a bit of planning and luck, you can do it too!

References

1 Seiffge-Krenke, Inge (2006) “Leaving home or still in the nest? Parent-child relationships and psychological heath as predictors of different leaving home patterns,” Developmental Psychology, 42 (5): 864-876.